"band-aid solutions"

I realize today the amount of time I enjoy to myself. When you're in a time crunch to get things done, the first thing to sacrifice is your free time for yourself. At least, that's the way things are done in my world. And then all of a sudden, the objective of accomplishing something, which implies greatness, passion, ambition, turns into the objective of simply getting it done, which reflects only desperation. And in those desperate times, I drove myself to further and further depression and solitude. It is my intuition that if perhaps I simply listened to Lydia in giving myself more reasonable goals, I would be more satisfied with my position, or rather disposition now. Perhaps I would have found a job already, perhaps I would not be pinning away for Eric, and perhaps my relationship with Lydia might have a stronger hold than the diminutive grasp it has now.

The point here is to find a plan. I cannot no longer use the "band-aid solutions" for my current career problems. Perhaps this is another milestone that I have to overcome. More importantly I think I need to realize that this return to home is as permanent as I make it.

There is no drive to succeed here in California. I am not inspired to push myself as hard as I do.

Thursday Night-

The "Phamily" and I just came back from an award dinner ceremony for Danny's community service with Sensei Jason's special needs children organization called "Circle of Friends". It was started by a Jewish community and a rabbi who wanted to created a support group of friends for children who were in need of friends their age who would allow them to live a normal life.

It's always interesting to be reminded of the value of the so-called "normal life". I believe it was in Man of Many Faces that I first encountered the story of the two farmers told by Akechi Sensei.

There were once two travelers. They followed the same road, carrying the same load. Even so...each was convinced that the other one had a lighter cargo, so they decided to trade. When they did...each became convinced that he'd been cheated into carrying a heavier pack. It's the fault of human nature. Everybody thinks they have the worst problems in the world. But if you fight that impulse and remember there are many whose luck is worse...your own troubles suddenly become easier to bear.

I'm proud of Danny and what he has been able to accomplish in helping his student. It may not seem like much when all you do is talk and shared the great experiences of going on a boat, watching a dodger's baseball game, and going in a helicopter. But I think he should take pride in everything he does, especially the little things.