"one day you're in, the next, you're out"

Yesterday, sometime in the morning, at the UCLA medical center, Michael Jackson died of cardiac arrest at age 50.

I've encountered several people who are heartbroken over the tragic lost and I have to point out, that compared to the horrible times of Michael Jackson's trial over Neverland, it was such a dramatic change in public opinion of the King of Pop. Of course, like many celebrities, we don't walk around the streets referring Brittany Spears as the "Princess" so naturally Jackson's own reference would not be titled "His Highness", but the amount of Michael Jackson jokes compared to Spears' comedy category is significantly higher, and more creative in my opinion.

The biggest criticism I have for the public opinion is that I wish the respect being openly expressed now was directed towards Mr. Jackson before he passed away. I'm sure he would have appreciated the support from American fans, as oppose to seeking that kind of respect for his larger fan base in Europe.

Continuing on in the music world, I am watching Paris By Night's most recent video (number 95) and they featured Australian Idol contestant Thanh Bui. Thanh made the top ten and performed his Vietnamese/English number "Mirror Mirror". In all honesty, he sounds like a very generic product of mainstream pop music and everytime I look at him, I'm reminded of my own Australian, largely shaped cousin John. (Although if I am correct, he seems to have replaced that big bone structure with a beer gut. At least from what recent facebook pictures show.) I would like to critique him as an artist and not as a fellow second generation Vietnamese because I would feel compelled to support him solely because of his ethnic background. In the past, I always felt more interest in second generation artist because they try to do what all us second generation kids do: succeed in the American standards while still being Vietnamese. For the same reason, I see the kids in my family frown down on these "artists" as comparable to American artists and the adults furrowing their brow at the thought of the "Americanized" Vietnamese music. And then to add on as a another blade of the double edged sword, a positive critique from me could never have credibility as a Vietnamese fan for a Vietnamese artist. The real credit and measure of success is from a foreigner. So here is my attempt at a subjective critique of this new artist:

His lyrics are a bit cheesy like he's still writing songs for a boy band. He doesn't have the originality and creativeness found in Jason Mraz or John Mayer's music. As a writer, I can understand the mediocrity of our written work. Not many are gifted with the ability to clearly translate our emotions into solid words. Musicians have the difficulty and advantage of conveying emotions through music as well as lyrics, where as writers relay solely on the reaction and interest of their readers. In that area, I think Thanh does well. He has the ear for catchy music, which in my standard, is important for a song because how else would the song get stuck into people's head? Catchy tunes have an addictive quality, which gives more reason for people to purchase such songs. However, the downside of Thanh's songs is that his "catchy beat" is also of generic sound. For example, his song "Kamikaze Love" is an upbeat tune meant for "rocking out" a solo in the privacy of the home but the composition of hard hitting beats resonate familiar cords often heard on the radio by other large name idols. I agree with Ms Cyndi Lauper when she says: "Thanh is one his way but he still needs to experience a lot". I think the more expressive and honest he can be in his music, the better he will succeed, because there is no doubt that he can skillfully carry a tune. It's only a matter of taking that really great heart and genuine quality of his personality and showcasing that in the biggest musical way possible.

I think it's that ability that really separates the brighter stars from the general glow of lights seen every night. That's how Michael Jackson made it so big.

"It is said that artist live their lives to the fulliest because it is their job as artist to record those experiences to the upmost acuity for others to witness." ~ Professor Karen Teoh.

phamily

While I was fixing myself a midnight snack to satiate my grumpy stomach, my father's cell phone blared out loud in alert of a receiving call. It was Jim from work, frantic about an alarm that suddenly turned on for one of the test chambers. I first asked him if it was a dire emergency that needed my father to be awaken, and his strange response was: "I don't know, what do you think?" And then he proceeded to tell me about the alarm.

First I was puzzled as to why he would give me, a stranger to him and relative to my father, the responsibility of deciding whether or not an alarm was important enough to wake up my father. Because I, with the Asian Studies major and absolute no background in space equipment, would be the rightful candidate in making such a decision.

I quickly pushed my bewilderment aside and went to go prod Bo awake. I thought it was best if I waited by to take the phone away from him and put it back in the living room. So there I was, standing in the darkness, praying Me would not be disturbed in anyway by Jim's loud, frantic, digitized voice, as I listened to Dad cope with the situation.

It was then that it struck me how similar Bo and I are. The more I listened in on his reassuring words to Jim about the themo-reactor chamber and the false alarm, the more I started to think back on my last semester at Bowdoin. When I would get phone calls from Rae interrupting my sleep or dinner because there was something wrong with the editing system. Or the times I was watching movies with Eric and Chris would call, asking about the upcoming event with A.S.A.

When I was director or coordinator for the fashion show, there was a sense of confidence as I delegated my peers and friends. There was a sense of knowing exactly how things should be and what needed to happen, and quickly thinking on my feet. In those moments of chaos, my natural survivor instincts just switched on to autopiliot and geared all my focus towards accomplishing what needed to be done. I enjoyed those moments because for once I wasn't lost. I felt accomplished and pride in being able to guide others. At the same time that there is stress in having to be the keeper of the bigger picture and in making sure each individual is responsible for their part, there is a self expectation to be the one who is on time and there to fill in the blank spots.

But then there are times like tonight, with Jim and my father. It is these times, when phone calls still come in at 1 a.m. despite the long day of work, and the mind cannot rest at ease because we have to fill in those responsibilities for others who cannot. It is times like these that I hope I become nothing like my father, or mother. I want to leave work at work. I want time with my kids and for myself. I don't want to be late on any more dates, or get phone calls during meals. I don't my work to overtake my personal life like this past semester. At least I hope it won't.

"If I had the chance
to keep you in bed
I'd turn all the clocks
12 hours ahead.
So you would never have to go
So I would never have to wait" - Jesse Barrera "Come to My Door"

emerge: the clean freak

SUCCESS!

No I did not find a job yet. But in retrospect, my readjusting to life at home isn't so bad. My room is almost completed, I don't feel the urge to kick and scream against my parents' rules, my brother has created very minimal annoyances, and I haven't felt the need to go crawling back to the cyber cafe for 8 bucks an hour.

I don' t know why but after cleaning up about 70% of my room, I caught myself just wanting to sit down and admire it all. Admire the very neat way everything is organized and how the drawers slide out and in with ease. How the shelves have a very artistic, but balanced look to them. The neat arrangements of my book collection and even the clean compartment of my laundry. I even took time to organize our entertainment bureau out in the living room. No longer is it a hazardous wreck of VCDs and empty DVD cases.

I just feel very...satisfied.

I think Lydia would be proud.

"I just wanna chill like a corona commercial" - Kobe Bryant, 102.7 KiisFm Radio Show

"band-aid solutions"

I realize today the amount of time I enjoy to myself. When you're in a time crunch to get things done, the first thing to sacrifice is your free time for yourself. At least, that's the way things are done in my world. And then all of a sudden, the objective of accomplishing something, which implies greatness, passion, ambition, turns into the objective of simply getting it done, which reflects only desperation. And in those desperate times, I drove myself to further and further depression and solitude. It is my intuition that if perhaps I simply listened to Lydia in giving myself more reasonable goals, I would be more satisfied with my position, or rather disposition now. Perhaps I would have found a job already, perhaps I would not be pinning away for Eric, and perhaps my relationship with Lydia might have a stronger hold than the diminutive grasp it has now.

The point here is to find a plan. I cannot no longer use the "band-aid solutions" for my current career problems. Perhaps this is another milestone that I have to overcome. More importantly I think I need to realize that this return to home is as permanent as I make it.

There is no drive to succeed here in California. I am not inspired to push myself as hard as I do.

Thursday Night-

The "Phamily" and I just came back from an award dinner ceremony for Danny's community service with Sensei Jason's special needs children organization called "Circle of Friends". It was started by a Jewish community and a rabbi who wanted to created a support group of friends for children who were in need of friends their age who would allow them to live a normal life.

It's always interesting to be reminded of the value of the so-called "normal life". I believe it was in Man of Many Faces that I first encountered the story of the two farmers told by Akechi Sensei.

There were once two travelers. They followed the same road, carrying the same load. Even so...each was convinced that the other one had a lighter cargo, so they decided to trade. When they did...each became convinced that he'd been cheated into carrying a heavier pack. It's the fault of human nature. Everybody thinks they have the worst problems in the world. But if you fight that impulse and remember there are many whose luck is worse...your own troubles suddenly become easier to bear.

I'm proud of Danny and what he has been able to accomplish in helping his student. It may not seem like much when all you do is talk and shared the great experiences of going on a boat, watching a dodger's baseball game, and going in a helicopter. But I think he should take pride in everything he does, especially the little things.